why do people think it’s okay to judge other peoples relationships?
you don’t know anything that’s going on with them.

you know, i really don’t like… more like hate you.
just how you are. what you do. what you say about others.
you’re a lying little bitch, and you are a whore.
if you want somebody so bad, i can probably find you a fuck buddy.
oh wait… you said you’ve never messed around.
yeah, yeah, bullshit.

bottom line, i don’t like you. and fuck you.
stop talking about other peoples relationships.
go try and find your own if you even can.

It has been almost 10 weeks, and I still think about it. I can’t let it go. I literally hate everything that has to do with you.

And lately, it’s worse. You’re in my dream. It’s probably because of all the stress, but you being in my dream doesn’t help me ease my mind.

I need to be skinny.
I need to be pretty.
I need to be smarter.
…I just need to be a better person.

Maybe none of this would have happened if I was all these things.

The little self confidence I had is all gone now.

I really don’t like you. I wish I could say I hate you, but I can’t. I really don’t know what ‘hate’ is, actually. Maybe what I’m feeling towards you is hate, but I won’t say hate or mean it until I know for sure. But I can for sure say fuck you.

Honestly, all I can imagine is you. And it’s sick. But thats okay with you. You’re happy with it. It doesn’t bother you one bit, what so ever. You’re probably proud of yourself.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

i’m tired of living here, with my parents. i need to get out.
i need to go do whatever i want to do.
i want to go live in the states, but i have no where to go…
i want to go to college in the states too,
but everything is just so expensive…

sometimes i feel like i’m just going to end up here for the rest of my life…
which to an extent isn’t bad, it’s home to me,
but i just want to travel, go to college, get my degree,
and do what i need to do in life first.
i just don’t want to be a bum or anything.
times like these, really make me want to join…
and i have to get a reply from the recruiters…
SO i guess i’ll have to go there personally and talk to them.  

haaa, mou maji de, i’m tired of everything. 
i need change in my life. i need an adventure. i need a thrill.
living here isn’t doing anything for me. 
i need to get out. or at least get out of my parents house… 
i’m never happy coming home, i hate coming home, honestly.

fuck, i think i’ll just start looking for apartments on my own.
i feel like this isn’t going anywhere.
i don’t even know if this whole room mate thing will work out with them.
i’m sure it’ll be okay, but i don’t know… it’s not going anywhere now.
it’d be nice if i can get a place next month… UGH

mou iya. i just want to leave.

*sorry this is all over the place. 

I except too much from others just because I would do so much for them or I have done so much for them. I know I shouldn’t except much, but for some reason I do. I think I just hope that people will do the same. I really don’t know. Some people tell me that I should just tell them, but I don’t want that. I want others to know what to do, and think about what to do. Not do what I tell them. Do it because you thought it would be nice to do, or just because you wanted to.

I would say I’m done expecting stuff from people, but I’d be lying to myself.